So Opus’s post got me thinking about Wal-mart. And all the stupid things you could do within its walls. I made a list. Of thing’s i have done, and heard of people doing…in wal-mart. Feel free to try them out.
1. Put M&M’s on layaway
2. TP as much of the store as possible
3. Randomly throw things into the neighboring aisles.
4. When someone asks you if you need help, begin to cry and ask “why dont you people just leave me alone?”
5. Look right into the security camera using it as a mirror to pick your nose.
6. move caution wet floor signs to carpeted areas.
7. walk down the isles with a friend of the same sex pretending you are a gay couple.
8. move one cd into all the best seller places.
9. pay off layaways 50 cents at a time
10. set off alarm clocks to go off at 10 minute intervals throughout the day
11. try on bras over your clothes.
12. make a trail of orange juice leading to the ground going to the restrooms
13. walk up to an employee and say in a official tone of voice, i think we’ve got a code 3 in housewares.
14. set up a tent in the camping department tell other costumers that you will only invite them in if they bring a pillow from bed and bath.
15. contaminate the entire auto department by sampling all their air fresheners
16. switch the men and womens signs on the restroom door
17. In the auto department, practice your “Madonna” look with various funnels.
18. Drag a lounge chair on display over to the magazines and relax. If the store has a food court, buy a soft drink; explain that you don’t get out much.
19. Go into the dressing room and yell real loud…”Hey, were out of toliet paper in here!”
20. Play with the automatic doors.
21. As the cashier runs your purchases over the scanner, look mesmerized and say, “Wow. Magic!”
22. Nonchalantly “test” the brushes and combs in Cosmetics.
23. Drape a blanket around your shoulders and run around saying, “…I’m Batman. Come, Robin–to the Batcave
24. Dart around suspiciously while humming the theme from “Mission:Impossible.”
25. Hide in the clothing racks and when people browse through, say things like “the fat man walks alone,” and scare them into believing that the clothes are talking to them
26. While walking around alone, pretend someone is with you and get into a very serious conversation. Exp: The person is breaking up with you and you begin crying “How could you do this to me? I thought you loved me! I knew there was another girl, but I thought I had won. You kissed ME darling. “Then act as though you are being beaten and fall onto the ground screaming and having convulsions.
27. Get a stuffed animal and go to the front of the store and begin stroking it lovingly, saying “Good girl, good Bessie.”
28. Ask other customers if they have any Grey Poupon.
29. In the makeup department, spray yourself with every perfume there is, then walk up to a boy who is with another girl and start flirting with him in that annoying, ditsy way. “hi!!!! (giggle) What’s your sign?(giggle).” When the boy shows no interest, start hitting on the girl the exact same way. “hi!!!! (giggle) What’s your sign?(giggle).”
30. Redress the mannequins.
31. Say things like, “Would you be so kind as to direct me to your Twinkies?”
32. Ride a display bicycle through the store; claim you’re taking it for a “test drive.”
33. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker assume the fetal position and scream “NO! NO! It’s those voices again.”
34. Ride those little electronic cars at the front of the store.
35. Challenge other customers to duels with tubes of gift wrap.
36. Walk up to complete strangers and say, “Hi! I haven’t seen you in so long!…” etc. See if they play along to avoid embarrassment.
37. Play with the caculators so that they spell out “Hello” upside down
38. Take display cameras and pretend to take photos of random customers, telling them to “say cheese”
39. While handling guns in the hunting aisle, suddenly ask the clerk if he knows where the anti depressants are. Act as spastic as possible.
40. Two words: “Marco Polo.”
Well actually he “discouraged them” but it doesn’t really matter, cuz folks around here don’t have enough money to buy them anyway . So we didn’t see much excitement in the sky except the neighbors their lighting their few illegal bomb sparklers deported from Mexico. No big deal, I watched my fireworks on demand cable television live from New York 
